The new review template is a go!

After weeks of failed attempts to get my butt in gear, I finally updated the current batch of reviews at the Vault with the new template. Along the way I did a bit of extra work on the reviews so that they would be better. I've also added some little goodies here and there (like a mini-section entitled "THE VAULT MASTER PRESENTS - THE BITTER END" in which I deliver my own brand of justice to films that have lousy or unfulfilling endings) so take a gander at the reviews in the Vault archives and let me know what you think.

This is step one towards changing up the entire site. My next goal is to change the color scheme and look of the rest of the site to better match the reviews and forums. Hopefully this task (and more) will be accomplished before January is through.

That's it for tonight gang, I'm going to bed. G'night b-movie fans! :-D

Spammers beware......

For the past couple of weeks I've been getting Spam from a gmail account. At first I just deleted the e-mails and went on with my life, but lately, they've begun hitting my inbox more frequently and at a greater volume. Today, whilst cleaning out the offending spam e-mails, I decided to take action. My first step was to register with SpamCop.net and report the offender. My abuse report was issued mere moments ago, and sent not only to SpamCop, but to Google's Abuse Team as well. With that done, I decided to drop a friendly e-mail to the spammer in question. Here is what it said:

Dear Spammer,
This is a polite request for you to stop sending me Commodity One e-mail offers. I don't know why I get them, but I do, and I find them annoying. I have already contacted Google's e-mail abuse team via SmapCop, so you should be hearing from them within a week or two, and hopefully will be banned from your current gmail account, and future gmail accounts as well. If you continue to send e-mails, I will continue to report you until action is taken. That is not a threat, but a promise.

Thank you for your consideration in halting the consistent flow of junk e-mail into my inbox. If you keep sending spam, then may ye burn in Hell for all eternity.

Very Sincerely Yours,
Jordan Garren

Caretaker of The B-Movie Film Vault: http://www.bmoviefilmvault.com
Fighting the Good Fight for B-Movie Lovers Since June 6, 2000!

For now, I'll just have to wait and see if anything is done about this annoying sender of spam. If not, I'll have to go covert, infiltrate their secret organization, and terminate them with extreme prejudice.

Also, in non-spamming news, I updated my reviews for "The Monster Squad" and "The Johnsons" last night. That only leaves three more full-fledged reviews to update to the new template. Once that is done, I will upload them to the server for all the world to see! Then begins the work on the rest of the site. In addition, I really need to write up a new review or two, as well as some capsules in order to get visitation to the Vault back up to its normal state. In regards to the capsule reviews, I haven't come up with a surefire format for them yet, but I think I'm very close to a template I'm happy with.

Well that's all gang! I'm off to work now, then I'll have the next three days off. I'm spending a lot of time with my best bud Chris because he is going away to Kutztown University next week to begin enjoying some higher learning. Wish him luck!

Also, his departure means that I'll need a new best friend. Send all "I wanna be your best friend" applications to vault_master@bmoviefilmvault.com! Club benefits include long hangout sessions involving movies, video games, visits to movie theaters; thriftless spending of money on unnecessary toys, movies, video games, and electronic devices; most importantly, you will be granted access to my amazingly gi-normous DVD collection.

Hahahaha. Just kidding actually. Chris is irreplaceable, and even if he could be replaced, "getting in good" with me, and being allowed to actually borrow movies from me, the DVD Miser, takes a great deal of time. Adios fellow b-moviephiles and keep fighting the good fight!

Welcome to 2008.

Well its a new year, and I've already started to break my Resolutions. (They are so hard to keep! Especially when you're surrounded by junk food, day in and day out.) My Christmas Party went well, and New Year's was nice and quiet. I got a lot of cool gifts (the Nintendo Wii and City of Heroes/City of Villains being the top two), added some movies to my growing collection (thank goodness for gift cards!), and I am so glad that the holidays are over with because I am exhausted. Emotionally, physically, spiritually.... what have you.

I hope all of you other b-movie fans have had a wonderful holiday season, and hope that you can hold to your New Year's resolutions far better than I can. The Vault has been gathering dust (and flies) lately, and I've been kicking myself for letting it go for so long. While November of 2007 was a triumph for the Vault (well over 7,000 unique visitors to the site), December was a sad month, with only 4,000 or so unique visitors. So hang in there a bit longer because I am going to start working on the site again. The new review template is almost in place in all of the older reviews and the Forums are still pretty active (well, as active as can be with only six people), so at least I got that going for me. ;-)

In the meantime, if you're sick of my lack of updates, please direct your traffic to www.badmovies.org. Andrew has just started up a Badmovies.Org PODCAST and the "pilot" episode is now online. Just make sure you're not drinking anything while listening to it. ;-)

Happy New Year b-movie fans!

The Waaaaaaait is the Hardest Part

Well, after tonight, my Christmas shopping will be done, and I will be flat broke. I just got my girlfriend a remote car starter with all the bells and whistles (just short of an actual car alarm) and some diamond earrings. I just have to take care of a few small gifts and I should be set. (Currently I'm waiting for 60% of the gifts to ship from Amazon. I'm already saddened that most of the gifts are apparently NOT going to make it here by Saturday. I was hoping to have everything for Sunday for my Christmas party / movie marathon this weekend, but things are not looking good. Guess I'll have to hand out a few IOUs inside of some greeting cards... sigh....)

Well as I promised, here's a new holiday treat for you that I found on Y outube:


Hahahaha. How many parents have experienced a similar nightmare with an equally hard to assemble gift or toy?! Here's a new MAD TV Christmas parody that I thought was pretty well done:



Well Merry Christmas b-movie fans. Hope you get your X-mas shopping done soon!

7 Days until Christmas... here's some stress reduction!

Are you as stressed as I am this week? Well here's a little something to give you a laugh and drop your stress level down a notch or two:



I'm gonna try and post other X-mas funnies for the next six days. And if you're not done shopping yet, like me, then get going! I only have to buy some stuff for my girlfriend and two or three friends, and I hope to get that done tomorrow. So get your butts in gear 'cause Jesus' symbolic birthday is around the corner. I know most of your holiday cheer is probably depleted, but just hang in there another week, then you can enjoy some (hopefully) cool gifts! At the very least, just hold on until New Years Eve. That's one of the few nights in our lives where it is OK to get sloshed! ;-)

Update on my progress.

Well, progress has slowed to a crawl because yours truly has discovered the joys of playing an MMORPG (Massive Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game), namely 2Moons. (Because its a good and free alternative to World of Warcraft.) However, that doesn't mean I haven't made any progress on updating the site and giving it an overhaul. I now only have seven more reviews to update to the new template, then the pain in the butt task of changing over the rest of the site will come next.

Non-site wise, the weather outside is frightful. We've gotten freezing rain and sleet most of the evening so its pretty slick out there, and this is apparently only the beginning. Should make for some fun driving conditions this week. I just hope the weather doesn't worsen too much as I have a lot to do in the next two weeks (i.e. Christmas shopping).

Well I must be getting some sleep, so I'll leave you with something that should invoke the holiday spirit in all of you scrooges and grinches. No one does Christmas like Mr. Bean:

B-MOVIE PSA!

Thanks to my main man Dumpster Diver in the BMFV Forums, I got to see this cool fan-made "B-MOVIE PSA Announcement." Check it out below.



All your faves are here including "Troll 2," "Bad Taste," "Q: The Winged Serpent," "Plan 9 From Outer Space," and more!

And for good measure, here's another cool montage of b-movie clips set to "I Will Survive."



Enjoy b-movie fans!