New Capsule Review: Dinosaur Valley Girls (1996)

While Steven Spielberg's "Jurassic Park" had its share of rip-offs (like "Carnosaur"), the film also had an effect on the low budget softcore porn / sex comedy market. Movies like "Dinosaur Island" and "Beach Babes From Beyond 2: Cave Girl Island" popped up, as did an often overlooked movie entitled Dinosaur Valley Girls!

In this film, an action movie star named Tony Markham travels back in time to a prehistoric landscape full of stop-motion dinosaurs, comic relief cavemen, and sex-starved cavegirls in order to meet the girl of his dreams. If you're looking for Oscar-winning performances, amazing special effects, or an engaging storyline go elsewhere. However, if you're a fan of boobs and fart jokes, then this just might be the movie for you!

Check back again soon b-movie fans for another new review (for "Bitch Slap!") as well as a co-op article or top-ten list with my main man Bill from Radiation-Scarred Reviews!

First ever Guest Review at the Vault: Teeth (2007)

The B-Movie Film Vault proudly brings you the first every guest review the site has ever had! Guest writer "Holly Hobgoblin" tackled the dark and twisted horror-comedy, TEETH. This film follows the hardships of Dawn, a girl trying to maintain her virginity in this sex-crazed world we live in. Things take a turn for the super weird when poor Dawn discovers that she has razor-sharp teeth lurking in her lady-parts, but eventually she learns to live with that curious mutation and even use it to her advantage. (i.e. Her vaginal fangs destroy anything that goes into her "hoo hoo dilly" without consent.)

A review for Krull is forthcoming as is a new Genre Watch article and more fun stuff! Stay tuned b-movie fans!

New capsule review for Gris Grimly's "Cannibal Flesh Riot!" (2007)

I make my triumphant return to reviewing films with a fresh (and rather lengthy) capsule review for Gris Grimly's "Cannibal Flesh Riot!" This half-hour short film revolves around two grave-robbing ghouls who end up biting off more than they can chew when their latest "dinner plans" go awry. Check out the trailer for "CFR!" below:



I hate to even promise this but... expect a lot more updates at the Vault and SOON. A large group of us b-movie webmasters are holding a roundtable next weekend with a focus on movies based on video games. Since I'm a glutton for punishment (and since anything else I would have picked was already taken), I decided to review the horrible big screen adaption of the classic "Double Dragon" video game, which stars Robert Patrick, Mark Dacascos, Scott Wolf, and Alyssa Milano.

After that's out of the way, I have a trio of screeners that I plan on reviewing, and after they are taken care of, the sky is the limit! I'm hoping to get a good number of reviews posted this month, whilst keeping the BMFV Genre Watch updated weekly, and I even hope to get a new podcast recorded and uploaded for your listening pleasure.

So stay tuned for lots of new stuff b-movie fans! Blog ya later!

New capsule review for "The Ghouligans! Super Show!" + New installment of The BMFV Genre Watch!

The updates just keep coming! Tonight I posted a review for the fun indie short, "The Ghouligans! Super Show!" This forty-minute sketch comedy show features a ragtag group of goofy monsters, a trio of cute go-go girls, and overdubbed luchadors in all sorts of humorous situations. (Learn more about this flick and get yourself a copy at the Official Ghouligans website!)

And just in time to do your DVD and Blu-ray shopping tomorrow, here is the latest installment of the now weekly, B-Movie Film Vault Genre Watch! Notable DVD and Blu-ray releases include: "HULK VS.," "Dead & Buried," "Dead of Night," and "Redneck Zombies: 20th Anniversary Edition!" Sadly, the only genre release in theaters this week is "The Uninvited." It looks ok, but seems more like a solid rental to me. In my opinion, if you want to spend nine bucks at a movie theater this weekend, then go see "Taken" with Liam Neeson.

All of this updating has made me pretty tired, so I'm going to retire for the evening and watch a flick or two. G'night b-movie fans!

"The Bum" reviews "The Day the Earth Stood Still."

I'm really loving this stuff; I particularly enjoy how this guy slams the movie while seeming to be so enthusiastically smitten with it. It's pure gold. Oh and keep an eye out for a bunch of nods to "Bill and Ted."

I am closer to posting the December Genre Watch (which is really really late I know). Expect to see it at the Vault this weekend.

Oh and in case you weren't counting down the days: 7 shopping days left to Christmas Armageddon!

Chester A. Bum reviews "Twilight."

Hilarious stuff from ThatGuyWithTheGlasses.com:


Visit the site and be sure to check out all the other stuff, especially the "Nostalgia Critic" (I remember it, so you don't have to.). Also swing by Cinemassacre.com and check out all the cool videos there, in particular, the Angry Video Game Nerd series. Good stuff!

Evil Dead II.... Mentos Commercial

I didn't post anything Halloween-oriented yesterday, so here's the consolation prize: A short Mentos commercial parody made with footage from "Evil Dead II!"



I started cleaning up the house for my eminent (post) Halloween party and my god.... I lived in this filth for the last few weeks? My DVD collection had an inch of dust on it and that is inexcusable! In any case, I should have this place whipped into shape in another day or two, then I've gotta get some junk food and beverages for my guests on Sunday. This task will be a little hard to accomplish as I have Guitar Hero World Tour and the new MST3K boxed set arriving via UPS tomorrow, but I shall persevere and be 100% ready to watch some horror flicks and chow down on some copious amounts of chips, candy, pizza, wings, and whatever else I can get my hands on.

There's only a few more days left until Halloween, so you best be ready b-movie fans! Blog ya later!

Here's what Halloween means to Stephen Lynch.

Stephen Lynch is certainly not for all tastes, but I think the man is a comedic (and musical) genius. Here is a twisted little number by Stephen about All Hallow's Eve.



Woohoo eight more days... damn, I really need to get ready for my party and get a costume while I'm at it. Got any suggestions for the latter folks? Because this video didn't really help me out all that much:

Halloween Theme Song

HAHAHAHAHA! I've seen the Jaws Theme Song these guys did and it is hilarious. But this is just as good, if not better.



Why are so many people wasting their obvious talent on Youtube when they can be putting their skills to work, saving sketch comedy shows like MAD TV or Saturday Night Live (both of which, in my opinion, have gone down the toilet in recent years)? I guess we'll never know.... in any case enjoy this vid.

OH, and just in case you weren't counting down the days to Halloween....only ten days to go! Woohoo!

Happy Halloween from CHAD, MATT & ROB!

I was scouring Youtube for some fun stuff to watch the other night and accidentally discovered the manic comedic brilliance of Chad, Matt, and Rob. These three guys are hilarious and have made some very cool videos. (Visit their Youtube Channel Page HERE.) Please enjoy their Halloween "episode" and make sure to check out the rest of their videos afterwards.



You just gotta love the "Headless Horseman" gag at the 53-second mark!

They Raped Indiana Jones! (Tell us something we don't know.)

I swung by South Park Studios to watch the latest episode of South Park and I have to say, I haven't laughed this much since I saw Trey Parker and Matt Stone's "Major Boobage" episode that parodies "Heavy Metal."

Here is a clip from the episode in which Kyle has a nightmare about the "raping of Indiana Jones." This clip is pretty timid; the next three Indy-rape flashbacks in this episode get a little graphic. (Serves Spielberg and Lucas right for ruining a cherished film franchise with f*cking aliens, wussy Commies, nuke-proof fridges, and CGI vine-swinging hijinks!!!)



You can watch this and every other episode of South Park for free at www.southparkstudios.com! Enjoy!

I have discovered the "Black and White Ecstasy" of ZEBRAMAN!

Taskshi Miike is best known for the shockers he's made, such as "Ichi the Killer" and "Audition," but would have thought that this man had a lighter, more family-friend side? "Zebraman" is proof that Miike can branch out from doing horrifically violent films, and is one of the better superhero comedies I've come across.

Mild mannered Shinichi Ichikawa is never taken seriously by anyone. Then, one fateful night, while running around his neighborhood in a homemade Zebraman costume (styled after his favorite tokusatsu hero), he engages in battle with a rapist wearing a crab-mask. After utilizing some amazing acrobatic moves and delivering a face-crushing blow to the perpetrator, Shinichi runs off and soon embraces his destiny of becoming the REAL Zebraman!

This was a very fun film, and I can't help but recommend it. Check out my capsule review for "Zebraman" HERE, and feel free to post your thoughts about the film and/or review HERE.

Stay tuned for an updated review from the OLD Vault archives, plus a roundtable review for 1981's "The Burning." Oh, and don't forget to cast your vote for what bad movie I should review in the "TORTURE THE VAULT MASTER" poll! Blog ya later b-movie fans!

M.I.L.F. SOLICITORS!

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Capsule review for Dai-Nipponjin now posted!

Hello dear readers and fellow b-movie fans! I'm currently finishing up work on two reviews, so here's a little something to hold you over until I'm done:

CLICK HERE to read my capsule review for "Dai-Nipponjin!"

"Dai-Nipponjin" is an insane comedy/mockumentary about the darker side of being a giant Japanese superhero! Meet Masaru Daisatou: He's in his forties, is heading towards divorce, makes barely enough money to survive, and is Japan's only hope against giant monsters! Whenever his country is threatened by kaiju, Masaru gets ritualistically electrocuted to become Dai-Nipponjin (pictured above). Read more about this film at IMDB.com, and visit the official Dai-Nipponjin website!

Stay tuned for two new full-length reviews for "Legend of Dinosaurs and Monster Birds" and "Puppet Master!" I'm currently in the process of writing each and hope them both posted within the next few nights. Have a good night b-movie fans and keep fighting the good fight!

Boy am I tired.....

Ok, so here's what's going down with the Vault guys and gals. I've pretty much finished the remodeling I wanted to do on the site. There's still a few things I need to tweak (the forums and blog mainly) before the revamp is complete. Also, I'm working on TWO new reviews this week for "My Bloody Valentine" and "Alien vs. Predator." The latter will be my contribution for an upcoming "VS. Roundtable." But what about that capsule review for "My Demon Lover?" Well its posted HERE. Keep an eye on the Vault between Thursday and Saturday for the new reviews and the complete upload of the newly remodeled B-Movie Film Vault! I've been working feverishly for the past week to get all this stuff done, and by the end of this week, I'll be taking a well deserved break! Well g'night b-movie fans! Keep fighting the good fight and don't let normal cinema-lovers get you down. :-D

The Cinematic Adventures of the Vault Master: Episode II - Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

After a pretty harsh night at work (no I don't want to talk about it), I decided that I needed some good comedy to uplift my downtrodden spirit. So the movie of choice for the night ended up being "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy." Now, I have a confession to make b-moviephiles... I think Will Ferrell is funny. Even at his worst I can still get a chuckle out of the guy. In "Anchorman," Will plays the title character. Ron Burgundy is the lead anchor of the top news station in Sand Diego, CA. He's a total male chauvinist, loves scotch, and his little dog Baxter too. Ron and his insanely strange news crew are the veritable kings of the hill until a female upstart named Veronica Conrningstone (played by Christina Applegate) is hired at the news station.

Veronica has aspirations to become a network news anchor and has to go through many trials and tribulations with her mostly all male staff. Eventually, due to a dog-punting incident (a hilarious scene featuring a cameo by Jack Black), Ron's worst nightmare comes true and Veronica ends up on the air, only to become an overnight sensation. Though Ron and his idiotic friends attempt to make her look bad, Veronica eventually overcomes her tormentors and destroys Ron Burgundy's career after a hilarious prank. After hitting rock bottom, Ron manages to make a comeback, save his former girlfriend from some cranky Kodiak bears, and achieve his life goal of becoming a network anchor. (Hooray for happy Hollywood endings.)

Well this is one of my favorite goofy comedies and Will Ferrell is at his best here. But its not Will that makes this movie so great; its his gang of misfit reporters that truly makes this movie worthwhile. Steve Carrell is gutbustingly funny as Brick, the station's weatherman. Brick is mentally retarded and has some of the best lines in the film and is guaranteed to bring a smile to even the most jaded "Anchorman" viewer. (LOUD NOISES!) Then there's Paul Rudd ("40 Year Old Virgin") the "ladies man," whose secret stash of colognes includes a nasty concoction called "Sex Panther." (To quote a character in the film: "It smells like Bigfoot's dick!") The final member of the team is Champ, played by David Koechner, a sportscaster that has an unhealthy (and possibly homosexual) attachment to his friend Ron. Will Ferrell may be the lead here gang, but its his three cohorts that really make this movie worth watching.

So its obvious that enjoyed this movie and really I don't have much else to say about it, other than give it a shot. If you're not a big Will Ferrell fan (like my father), then don't fret too much because Steve Carell's antics and dialogue alone should keep you watching. This is one crazy and fun comedy and I highly recommend it. I'm more than happy to give "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy" ...... FOUR OUT OF FIVE 'RADS!'


Here are some other comedies that you may want to check out:
The 40-Year Old Virgin (2005)
Old School (2003)
Blades of Glory (2007)
Knocked Up (2007)
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)
Superbad (2007)


Will Ferrell trivia:
Will was chosen over future co-star Steve Carell in 1995 to join SNL. He became the highest paid actor on the show in 2001. Producers were desperate to keep him, resulting in a salary of over $350,000.

Will Ferrell studied at USC in the hopes of becoming a sports broadcaster. He graduated and interned at NBC Sports, but then drew laughs after ad-libbing a joke on-air during one of his broadcasting courses and switched to comedy.

He was ranked #17 on Entertainment Weekly's 'The 50 Smartest People in Hollywood.'

His real name is John William Ferrell; his nickname is Wilf.

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Related Youtube Content:
Here is a fan-made montage of "greatest hits" from "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy!"


It feels good to be writing about movies again. Hopefully, I can keep the momentum going! Thanks for reading; keep fighting the good fight cinema fans!

Death Star Cantina! Hahaha!

What happens when Eddie Izzard and animated Lego toys combine? Comic genius, that's what!



Enjoy!

The Waaaaaaait is the Hardest Part

Well, after tonight, my Christmas shopping will be done, and I will be flat broke. I just got my girlfriend a remote car starter with all the bells and whistles (just short of an actual car alarm) and some diamond earrings. I just have to take care of a few small gifts and I should be set. (Currently I'm waiting for 60% of the gifts to ship from Amazon. I'm already saddened that most of the gifts are apparently NOT going to make it here by Saturday. I was hoping to have everything for Sunday for my Christmas party / movie marathon this weekend, but things are not looking good. Guess I'll have to hand out a few IOUs inside of some greeting cards... sigh....)

Well as I promised, here's a new holiday treat for you that I found on Y outube:


Hahahaha. How many parents have experienced a similar nightmare with an equally hard to assemble gift or toy?! Here's a new MAD TV Christmas parody that I thought was pretty well done:



Well Merry Christmas b-movie fans. Hope you get your X-mas shopping done soon!

7 Days until Christmas... here's some stress reduction!

Are you as stressed as I am this week? Well here's a little something to give you a laugh and drop your stress level down a notch or two:



I'm gonna try and post other X-mas funnies for the next six days. And if you're not done shopping yet, like me, then get going! I only have to buy some stuff for my girlfriend and two or three friends, and I hope to get that done tomorrow. So get your butts in gear 'cause Jesus' symbolic birthday is around the corner. I know most of your holiday cheer is probably depleted, but just hang in there another week, then you can enjoy some (hopefully) cool gifts! At the very least, just hold on until New Years Eve. That's one of the few nights in our lives where it is OK to get sloshed! ;-)

Why I'll never get arrested in New York....

Hahahahahahaha. The black dude in the speedo bitch slapping the guys being interrogated is hilarious. My buddy Steve sent this to me last night and told me that its from a flick called "Crusin" or "Cruising." (Or is it... Cruisin'?) Just thought I'd share this with you for fun.

And in the Halloween spirit, here's a cool trailer for "Maniac Cop"

You have the right to remain silent... forever!!!

Well I'm going to bed to get a little rest before my Halloween party. I printed up some cool "barf bags," got me some pumpkins to carve, bought a ton of junk food, and am ready to have a fun time. Even better...... ONLY THREE MORE DAYS TIL HALLOWEEN! HOORAY!