Quickie Review: EVIL DEAD (2013)

Note: The review itself will be relatively SPOILER FREE, however, as you near the bottom of this post, you WILL get into spoiler territory.

I was torn on whether or not to say anything about the new EVIL DEAD because everyone and their mother has already shared their thoughts about it online. But seeing as how I can't seem to get the movie out of my head, or avoid any conversation about it, I figured I might as well share my thoughts too.

Though I'm still a bit torn about it, I mostly liked the new EVIL DEAD. It's an enjoyable modern exploitation flick that truly delivers all the gore, violence, and awesome makeup f/x that was promised by its creators. EVIL DEAD follows five young adults who come to a spooky cabin in the woods so that their friend Mia (Jane Levy) can go cold turkey from her heroine addiction.

Naturally this cabin, abandoned for decades, was the scene of a demon cleansing (as you'll discover in the unnecessary opening of the film, which does at the very least set the tone for the rest of the movie), and a certain Book of the Dead was left behind. The hippie-looking nerd of the group named Eric finds the Necronomicon (now lacking a face on its cover and also now completely fireproof) and recites a passage from it (despite a note on the pages saying DON'T READ IT, DON'T THINK IT, DON'T SAY IT!).

This awakens something in the woods, which zooms through the trees and right into Mia, who experiences the franchise's typical tree rape before turning super creepy and violent. The movie then plays out exactly as you expect it would, with demonic forces taking over each person and making them self-mutilate and kill until someone violently stops them. However, the film throws a few twists at us (some of which I'm having a little trouble coming to terms with), and splashes the screen with blood, guts, and bodily dismemberment in numerous scenes that will make you cringe, laugh, and/or cheer!

As far as remakes go, EVIL DEAD is one of the few that gets the formula right. To me, remakes are a necessary evil in an age where every story has already been told over and over again. The important thing is to not only be true to the original, but to somehow improve upon the source material. (This should be Hollywood's rule on remakes: If they can't significantly improve on an older film, then they shouldn't remake it.) And if you can't improve on it, at the very least make it digestible for modern audiences, while giving some love to the fans of the original. But above all, just make a decent movie!

Sam Raimi's classic THE EVIL DEAD is (as of my writing this) 32 years old now, and was ripe for a redo, and I'm pretty content with the one handed to us by producers Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell. They picked a young cast of relative unknowns, gave an unknown director a shot (Fede Alvarez was basically picked because Raimi loved his short film PANIC ATTACK), and packed the movie with more visceral practical f/x than I could have possibly imagined. (I'm amazed at what made it into the theatrical cut; I cannot WAIT to see the uncut version on Blu-ray later this year!)

And it's the f/x that saves this movie, because otherwise it isn't all that interesting. As it stands, the script for EVIL DEAD is the only real problem with the movie. Some of the dialogue (courtesy of  Diablo Cody I assume) is groan inducing at times, and the characters are all one-dimensional and uninteresting. (And don't give me crap for saying this. An example of a gorefest that has well-written characters is Peter Jackson's DEAD-ALIVE! It is far gorier than EVIL DEAD, but is a solid film that actually gives its main characters a story arc. C'mon, it's basic screenwriting people!) Had it not been for the copious amounts of carnage in the second act of the movie, this would probably be a generic PG-13 demonic possession flick.

While it didn't entirely blow me away, EVIL DEAD is one of the better horror remakes to come out in a long time. If it is a box office success (and I know it will be) that means at least two more sequels, and possibly an Army of Darkness 2 and an Evil Dead 7! So get out there and support this movie horror fans! The gore and grue is totally worth the price of admission, and makes this film worthy of:

THREE AND-A-HALF 'RADS'

Now, there's a few things I'd like to discuss, but it will be HEAVY ON SPOILERS. If you do not want anything ruined for you, stop now and go see the film. If you have seen the movie, or just don't give a damn, then read on. But remember... ye have been warned!

FINAL WARNING! TURN BACK NOW!

Ok, I pretty much liked this movie and I loved the effects and gore but there were a few things I didn't particularly care for.

1.) The opening: A group of people assemble in the basement of the "Evil Dead cabin," to cleanse a young girl of her demonic possessor. For some reason this involves hanging dead cats from the ceiling, torture implements, melty-faced onlookers, and a backwoods swamp-witch glancing through the Necronomicon for tips. It's unnecessary, and feels tacked on, as if someone believed that viewers wouldn't understand why the Book of the Dead was in the cabin or how the whole possession thing worked. Why didn't they just use the stick with some sort of tape-recorder or diary to provide the exposition and set things in motion?

2.) The demons: The Deadites have super creepy eyes now and love to mutilate themselves when they aren't using weapons on their victims. I don't mind that the demonically possessed are using nailguns, machetes, crowbars, etc. to attack the living, but do they have to behave like typical cinematic possession victims and talk dirty like Linda Blair? It's like the filmmakers decided "Hey, our Evil Dead movie could sure use some more Exorcist!"

Also, I'm not sure if I like that contact with a possessed person's bodily fluids leads to characters becoming possessed themselves. Mia is tree-raped, Olivia is puked on, Natalie is bitten, and Eric... well I'm not quite sure. (Perhaps the utility knife in his gut may have had some of Mia's tongue-blood on it?) Demonic possession being transmitted zombie-style totally worked in DEMONS (a.k.a. DEMONI, love that flick!) but it just didn't feel right here.

3.) Mia's resurrection + final showdown with Abomi-Mia (a.k.a. Grudge Gollum): Earlier in the film, we learn that Mia overdosed once, died, and was resuscitated with a defibrillator. Later in the film, David (Mia's brother) creates a homemade defib device, then buries his possessed sister alive, because it was the least horrifying method of ridding a person of a demon, according to the Book of the Dead. When he's positive that she's croaked, he jolts her back to life with a car battery... and she's fine?! She had her face partially scalded off with boiling water, she cut her tongue in half, and she received other punishment as well, and all it did was get her off drugs and give her a great complexion?!

Dave dies after rescuing Mia by exploding himself and possessed-hippie Eric, and according to the Necronomicon, five souls are all that is required for the "Abomination" to take physical shape and rise from the Earth. Well let's do a head count: Dave, Eric, Olivia, and Natalie are all dead... so why does Grudge Gollum burst forth from the ground?! Is it because Mia briefly died (seems like a major technicality to me), or is it because Grandpa the Dog was bludgeoned to death offscreen with a hammer earlier in the film? (As we learned from THE GATE, sacrifices don't always have to be human.) And why does the demon look like Mia? Why couldn't it be an awesome monster like the thing that Ash chainsaws in the face during the climax of Evil Dead II?!

 4.) The after-credits stinger: Thanks to Marvel, it seems like every movie that comes out sneaks in an extra scene after the credits are over, usually to set up the next film, or show you what happens to a main (or secondary) character after an ambiguous ending. Not so the case for Evil Dead. I waited eagerly for the credits to finish up because I was told "there was something super cool after the credits are over!" I expected a special cameo, or maybe a setup to the next film. What I got instead was the dramatic silhouette of Bruce Campbell saying "Groovy." Really? I'm all for fan service, and I love The Chin, but that was just...dumb! And I'm not the only one that had the "YEEEEEAHHHHHH.... wait huh?!" reaction to that ten second clip in the theater. Plenty of folks on the web are scratching their collective heads as well.

Once again, I did like the movie and think it's a good start to a hopefully continuing Evil Dead franchise, and I look forward to both the inevitable sequel, and the uncut DVD/Blu-ray. What do you think though? Am I being too hard on EVIL DEAD, or do you agree with my complaints? Did you love it, hate it, or have misgivings of your own? Then comment below or hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

Introducing THE DEAD DUCK'S DUCK HUNT!

The internet is a huge and nearly infinite place, filled with the bulk of humanity's knowledge... and cat photos.... and lots and lots of porn... and viral videos... and memes... and, well, you get the idea. Because of all the info floating around out there, a lot of stuff gets overlooked, especially on Youtube (trust me on that, I know from experience).

Case in point, tonight I was introduced to a newly started web-series called THE DEAD DUCK'S DUCK HUNT, an odd little show that focuses on cult, horror, and exploitation films. It's weird, but I definitely dug it, and think some of you frequent readers and cult film fanatics will dig it too. Thus far "The Dead Duck" has two videos out there on the Youtube. The first covers numerous Shout! Factory DVD releases (mainly their awesome selection of Roger Corman Cult Classics), and the second gives a brief overview of the films of Lucio Fulci!

Give the Dead Duck's Duck Hunt a little love by watching the videos below. If you like what you see, be sure to give them a thumbs up, subscribe and/or comment on the videos, and share them too! I know these guys would love to hear what you have to say, plus they could use the extra traffic!

Check out new trailer and clips from MIDNIGHT SHOW + Watch Mike Diva's Grindhouse Megamix!

If you've got about fifteen minutes, then allow me to show you how to waste that time. Below are three new Youtube vids that should have most of you b-movie fans salivating. The first is a trailer for Newt Wallen's MIDNIGHT SHOW. The film is a love letter to cult, grindhouse, and trash cinema, and features a strange night out at the movies for a young couple, who will experience a barrage of trailers for non-existent films like RUGMUNCHER, ATTACK OF THE ROBOT NAZI, HER TIME OF THE MONTH, and other hilarious throwbacks to exploitation cinema! Check it out below:


For a closer look at some of the fake trailers, and a little history on the inception of MIDNIGHT SHOW, check out this new episode of UNDERBELLY:


Finally, Youtube sensation Mike Diva (a.k.a. Mike Dahlquist) teamed up with GrindHouseFlix.com and came up with a really kick-ass dubstep music video that utilizes footage, dialogue, and sound effects from fifty different grindhouse/exploitation flicks! Next to Diva's dubstep tribute to Macho Man Randy Savage, this is probably one of the greatest videos to ever exist on the internet. Watch it now!


How AWESOME was that?! Cool enough to watch again?! Was just thinking that myself.... [hits play on video for the tenth time]

WIN A BRAND NEW BLU-RAY OF MANIAC COP!

Yes, you read that correctly, you can win a brand new Synapse Films' Blu-ray of MANIAC COP from yours truly. How do you win? Well, first of all LIKE THE VAULT OVER AT FACEBOOK! Then watch the videos below to get full details on winning the Blu-ray:








Look for a new full-length review for MANIAC COP at the Vault this weekend and expect more updates and videos as well!

The 4th Annual Hudson Horror Show is coming!

For those of you living in or around the Poughkeepsie, NY area, I am extremely jealous. On December 3rd (a mere three weeks away) you get the chance to celebrate the Horror genre in style at the HUDSON HORROR SHOW IV!

 

The event kicks off at high noon with a six-film marathon featuring 35MM prints of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT, THE BEYOND, ROLLING THUNDER, THE WEREWOLF VS. THE VAMPIRE WOMAN, and... a SECRET SIXTH FEATURE FILM! Amidst the films there will be vintage drive-in style trailers and there will also be various vendors peddling their wares (shirts, DVDs, collectibles, etc.) so bring some extra cash!

I'm definitely thinking of attending this event (requested that Saturday and following Sunday off from work just in case) and urge all of you reading this to do the same if possible! Remember folks, the show's on Saturday, December 3rd at Noon! Advance tickets are $26; tickets at the door are $30.00. This will all take place at the SILVER CINEMAS at the SOUTH HILL MALL, and don't b*tch about the price because you are getting SIX movies for your cash plus a night full of memories that will last you a lifetime. Mark that weekend on your calendars and maybe, just maybe, I'll see some of you there!

Wait what? You're not familiar with some (or God help you, ALL) of the films in the lineup? Well here's a promotional trailer for the show, that'll give you a taste of the awesomeness you can expect:

Underbelly-palooza!

Since I've been remiss to pass on the Underbelly goodness that I enjoy (for the last month and half or so) here are the last four videos posted by these brave and funny souls including in no particular order: Their Halloween episode where trick-or-treaters get candy at the homes of several video game characters, their coverage of the latest NY COMIC-CON, their visit to a book-signing for Maddox's "I'm Better Than Your Kids," and finally a brand-spanking new video kicking off "Zelda Month" that has a wonderfully shocking (and romantical) ending. Check 'em all out below!









Stay tuned for new stuff everyone because November is MANIAC COP MONTH at the Vault! Expect reviews for all three films in the franchise, PLUS enter to win a BRAND NEW Maniac Cop Blu-ray (details on the Vault's main page). Also I have some news coming up about several cool events, and I'll be posting more videos on Youtube as well. It's gonna be a busy month so stick around b-movie fans!

Thoughts on film piracy + legit PIRANHA 3DD teaser!

As I was scouring the web earlier tonight, I came across two interesting things. First off, an article over at FREDDY IN SPACE concerning illegal downloading caught my eye. (READ IT!)  John makes some good points and touches upon all the excuses that many folks use to rationalize what they are doing. Downloading a film for free (whether it be a shitty bootleg of a recently released Hollywood film that was shot with a camcorder, or a DVD rip) is wrong, plain and simple.

Now yours truly is no angel as I have dabbled in piracy myself, but I stay in the "gray" areas and focus my efforts on downloading obscure, rare, and out of print movies that I cannot simply purchase at a store, online or otherwise. That still doesn't make it right, but in some cases, it is the only option I have. I see it as the equivalent of  buying a homemade DVD-R, that contains a VHS-rip of some obscure 80's horror flick that has long been out of print. So for any of you high and mighty "I never illegally download anything" folks who pick up fan-made DVD-Rs online and at conventions, well... you are technically pirates as well.

Anyway, the second thing that prompted me to share some thoughts and opinions on this matter was the new short that "Hatchet" director Adam Green created. It's a funny (and gory) PSA talking about the inherent dangers of illegally downloading films off the web. Give it a look; it's great!




Piracy is nothing new, especially on the web, and I doubt anyone really thinks about the possible repercussions. No, not the repercussions that you'll suffer if you get caught (fines and threats of actual jail time), but the ones that affect the film makers, actors, special f/x teams, and all those involved in creating the movies you decided you just had to watch for free. Yeah, I'm getting preachy, but it bugs me, especially when guys like Eli Craig (director of "Tucker & Dale vs. Evil") discover their movie has leaked out onto the web long before they were able to find a distributor. That's not cool.

Film piracy is chugging along with no end in sight (unless Net Neutrality ends and/or laws are passed that will block certain sites from the American public) and studios are fighting a seemingly impossible battle against the army of digital buccaneers that are plundering their film libraries. So how should the powers that be in Hollywood fight back? Should harsher consequences be implemented for those that are caught? Should a privatized web-police force be set up to go after illegal downloaders? Ummm.... NO.

Submitted for your approval, here are a few ideas I have that will not only help Hollywood battle online piracy, but will also benefit us consumers too.

1.HOLLYWOOD STUDIOS NEED TO BECOME "THRIFTIER."
If it's one thing I've noticed, it is that movie budgets are becoming pretty damned ridiculous these days. Here's a word of advice to all the big studios in Hollywood: Scale back your production costs! And while you're at it, stop spending so much damned money on advertising!  If a film cost $20 million to make, don't attach another $20 million dollars in advertising fees to it! Now the movie will have to make back MORE than double its budget for you to see a profit!

If studios manage to get their crazy spending under control, the savings will eventually trickle down to consumers. Theater ticket prices (and maybe even concession prices) will go down, and the cost of a brand new DVD or Blu-ray on their initial release days may drop as well. Making films is a business, therefore studios should cut costs and increase revenue. Now this sounds easy on paper, but I'm sure there's tons of red tape that would make this simple solution next to impossible. Still, think it over Hollywood.

2. EASE PUNISHMENTS ON OFFENDING PIRATES
What? Go easy on those that would engage in digital piracy? Are you mad?! Well... no, I don't think so. The voices in my head say I'm perfectly fine. All kidding aside though, studios and the MPAA (who gave them all the power they have anyway?) need to chill out with their hefty fines and whatnot. Instead of charging several thousand dollars because someone has a few movies on their hard drive after visiting The Pirate Bay, why not force the downloader to pay the freakin' cost of a legal digital download or DVD? That way, they have "purchased" the film and can keep it, you turn a small profit, and walk away looking like less of a douchebag.

3. MAKE ALL DVDS & BLU-RAYS REGION 0
Who was the moron was that decided that there needed to be a whopping six (seven if you count Region 0) DVD regions in the world? That is just stupid as Hell! It is not fair to consumers when a film is available in a foreign country that is not available here. For that one reason alone, many people download foreign films off the web since they sometimes take months, even years, to reach the United States. Make all discs playable worldwide and piracy will take a hit in the gut.

If I can buy any movie I want, from any country on Earth, without having to own special equipment, that'd be amazing. Some companies already do this (Blue Underground) and it'd be awesome if others would follow suit. Then again... there's probably lots of red tape that would stop this from happening, since multiple distribution firms worldwide probably own the rights to various movies in each region (which is why the U.K. can get a "House" boxed set and us Yanks can't). If everything went to Region 0, I suppose it would most likely put a lot of them out of business. For that reason alone, this will probably never happen, but hey... the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.....

4. DIGITIZE ENTIRE FILM LIBRARIES; EMBRACE DIGITAL DOWNLOADING
One thing that always brings me back to the seedy world of movie downloading is the fact that there are so many films that are out of print, or just completely unavailable anywhere. Studios need to start going through their vaults, pull out everything they can, and convert them into a digital format. Not only will this help preserve many older, lesser known titles for decades to come (its always good to have a backup copy) but once this task is completed, the films can be sold to curious consumers.

Entire film libraries can then be streamed for a small fee, or downloaded for a bit more money, or customers can pay full price and either receive an actual DVD in the mail, or download a disc ISO and burn it themselves.

Warner Bros. does something like this with its own "burn to order" DVD service, however, the prices are high and the films are burned to DVD-R discs. (Wait a minute.... now studios are bootlegging their own flicks for a profit?!) Its a great idea, but who wants to pay twenty bucks for a DVD-R of "The Green Slime," especially if it's easy to download off the web, and readily available at a vendor's table at a convention? (Totally a rhetorical question by the way.)

To sum up this idea: Make more films available to your customers, keep the pricing reasonable, and make it readily and easily available in a digital format. Get it? Got it? Good!

Now these are just a few ideas that hit me, and its doubtful that any of them would ever be implemented or actually work (#2 and #3 would totally work by the way), but I felt that I had to throw my two cents in after reading what John had to say. If you agree with me, or disagree with me, or have ideas of your own to fight piracy while simultaneously benefiting consumers, be sure to comment below or over at the Vault's Facebook Page.

Finally, before I go to bed, I'd like to let you see the fun teaser trailer for PIRANHA 3DD that was unveiled during yesterday's airing of the SPIKE SCREAM AWARDS. It looks like so much fun, with tons of big ole boobies bouncing around, and lots of killer CGI fish, and.... Ving Rhames with SHOTGUN LEGS! Give it a look, then weep because it has been shelved by those idiots over at Dimension until sometime next year:





Well it's pretty late here in my neck of the woods and my eyes are trying to close without my approval, so I bid you all a good night.

Underbelly's FIVE WORST MOVIE MONSTERS + AWESOME DVD & BLU-RAY DEALS!

Halloween will be here in just over two weeks (YAY!) and its time to get in the spooky holiday spirit. Submitted for your approval, here is Underbelly's first Horror-themed video for the month, featuring five of the worst movie monsters to ever grace the silver screen. Check it out!

It warms my heart to see them back in action after the Flood of 2011. Welcome back Underbelly crew!

Next up, here are some awesome deals on Horror flicks from Amazon.com and the awesome folks over at Shout! Factory. Right now on Amazon, you can pick up the "Omen Blu-ray Collection" for a whopping.... $19.99! Four movies, lots of extras, and perfect picture and audio for only twenty bucks! You can't beat that! CLICK HERE to order yourself a copy. C'mon, Halloween's around the corner... TREAT yourself!

Next up, Shout! Factory is selling off bundled DVD and Blu-ray packs of their Roger Corman Cult Classics and Elvira Movie Macabre lines. They have four main deals going right now, the latter of which is super-expensive but damn well worth it. Here are the offers with prices; click on the links for more info!

1. Elvira's Movie Macabre Double Features Bundle - 6 Double Feature DVDs, 12 movies = $42.00 + s/h
2. Elvira's Movie Macabre Singles Bundle - 6 DVDs = $35.99 + s/h
3. Roger Corman Blu-ray Bundle - 4 Discs = $59.99 + s/h
4. Roger Corman Mega DVD Bundle - 20 Films, 13 discs = $149.99 + s/h

YOU WANT THIS! DON'T DENY IT! CLICK THE IMAGE TO ORDER!

You can never have too much Corman!

Well that's all for today! New stuff is coming to the Vault and its satellite blogs soon! Stay tuned! 19 more days until Hall-O-ween! SIL-VER, SHAM-ROCK!

New Capsule Review: Conan the Barbarian (2011)

I finally completed my review for CONAN THE BARBARIAN and it is not an overly positive one. I really did give it a chance, and I gave my buddy Bill the benefit of the doubt because he was so positive that I would like it. Unfortunately in the end, the film did nothing but disappoint me. Give the review a look and then decide for yourself if you want to see Momoan the Bore-barian in action.

Oh and check out this totally hilarious video I found on Youtube. It pretty much sums up my feelings towards the new Conan:

Vault Empire Updates + New Underbelly episodes + Mortal Kombat Legacy: Episode 9!

I have yet to get my lazy ass in gear and type up some new content for The Casual Gaming Blog, Genre Watch, or The Vault itself, but that will be changing soon. In the meantime, here's some stuff to read from some of my fellow pop culture bloggers:

Beta Ray Blog

•  Avengers Trailer!
• The New DC: Where do We Go From Here?

 MMA Addict

• The rise of the UFC.
• The UFC depth chart. (MMA Mount.com)
• Finding the right man for the job.
•  Tito Ortiz Answered the Critics as well as Dana White's prayers.

Radiation-Scarred Reviews

• Forbidden Adventure (1935)

In Underbelly news: They are focusing heavily on Final Fantasy this month and have been out and about at the latest Wizard World con. Check out all their new videos below:








Lastly (for now), Machinima finally released the latest webisode of Mortal Kombat: Legacy onto Youtube. Wether you've seen the rest or not, it doesn't matter, because CYRAX and SEKTOR turn into bad-ass robo-ninjas in this episode. Prior eps have gone through brief intros (and backstories) for Mileena, Kitana, Johnny Cage, Raiden, Sub-Zero, Scorpion, Jax, Kano, and Sonya Blade, and they are pretty impressive to say the least. (Actual martial artists AND Hollywood actors?!) Check it out for yourself:



That's all I've got to share for now. Enjoy the vids, reviews, and articles, and prepare for new stuff very soon! Blog ya later b-movie fans!

Latest Vault Empire Updates; new episode of Underbelly; Rifftrax Live coming in August!

Greetings everyone; your friendly neighborhood Vault Master here with a few things to share with you. First off, check out my rockin' "digital badge" that I just received in an e-mail the other day. I got this for donating a dollar to the "DETROIT NEEDS ROBOCOP" project. Essentially, some crazy folks decided that they want a RoboCop statue built in the middle of Detroit. Against the pleas of Detroit's mayor, more than enough funds were pulled together to make the (1:1 scale) statue a reality. It is currently in the process of being molded (or is it being sculpted?) and should make its triumphant unveiling next year at Wayne State University's TechTown campus!

Directive 4: Donate to worthy RoboCop-related projects.

And now onto the latest updates from the B-Movie Film Vault Empire:

Genre Watch

• Genre Watch - June 2010 (Week of 06/19 - 06-25)

MMA Addict

• UFC: Marquardt vs. Story. A Preview. 

I know that isn't much, but fear not for Summer is here and all of us under the Vault banner are taking more time out to relax and enjoy the sunshine. We have not gone quietly into the night, we have not yet surrendered without a fight! More new stuff is coming from ALL of us, I promise!

And now for something truly entertaining... and random. I have become a huge fan of Underbelly and this latest episode caps off their "superhero month" perfectly. In this episode, Newt dons a costume and prepares to become the next legendary superhero whose exploits will make tales worthy of contemporary comic books! Prepare for the coming of...... UNDERBULLY!



Finally, here's some kick ass news that I've been sitting on for at least a week now. (I would have posted about it sooner but I sorta forgot.) The Rifftrax crew (i.e. Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett, and Kevin Murphy) are bringing fans another dose of RIFFTRAX LIVE on August 17th! The movie of choice this time? "JACK, THE GIANT KILLER" featuring Kerwin Matthews and various stop-motion creatures that look like horrific versions of Gumby characters. Feast your eyes upon the trailer!


I actually loved this movie when I was a kid but I'm more than willing to sit down and watch it be verbally torn asunder by these three demigods of movie riffing.

Well that's it for tonight folks. I currently have a LOT of stuff I want to write about; I have it all up in my thick skull, I just need to get it down on paper.. err... I mean Wordpad. Besides some new movie reviews (like the horribly belated ones for "Super 8" and "Troll Hunter"), I have some new articles in the works (including two new "Indie Films You Should Be Stoked For" articles plus some new stuff for the Casual Gaming Blog) and the outline for a new podcast. Stay tuned for more blogging and whatnot as the days go by!

Oh, and before I forget, be sure to head on over to FREDDY IN SPACE! This frequently updated Horror blog has now reached its THIRD YEAR ONLINE and garnered a good cult following, and deservedly so: its webmaster consistently delivers quality articles and reviews, and frequently has awesome contests! Make sure to bookmark Freddy In Space.com right now and visit it often!

G'night everyone!

Guillermo del Toro's PACIFIC RIM!

For any of you that follow film news religiously, you probably were saddened to hear that Guillermo del Toro will NOT be directing an R-rated "At the Mountains of Madness." This is because Universal (who was recently hemming and hawing over the budget of Ron Howard's proposed "Dark Tower" series) refused to budge on the rating; they feel that they are taking a huge financial chance on a Lovecraft-themed film and didn't want to lose out on the teenage crowd. (And as we all know... today's youth just loves H.P. Lovecraft. That was sarcasm by the way. 90% of kids today have no idea who Lovecraft is... unless they managed to see Cthulhu's appearance on South Park.)

"Universal.... you are forcing my hand. Give me an R-rating or else...."

In any case, Guillermo hopped from his dream project to something infinitely cooler (in my eyes): A little film called "Pacific Rim." Set to start filming at the end of this year (for a Summer 2013 release), the film already has Idris Elba (Heimdall from "THOR") and Charlie Hunnam (Sons of Anarchy) attached (with Charlie Day interested in a role as well), and features one of the coolest storylines ever. From Slashfilm's latest news article:

Set in a future in which malevolent creatures threaten the earth, the planet must band together and use highly advanced technology to eradicate the growing menace. This project will give the Hellboy filmmaker the opportunity to create two worlds. The first is an alternate version of Earth in the near future, decades after a historic date in November 2012 when the first kaiju, a towering Godzilla-like beast, emerged from a hole in the Pacific Ocean and attacked the city of Osaka, Japan. The second is “The Anteverse,” another universe on the other side of that gaping portal, 5 miles below our ocean’s surface. Since the first attack, the rim has been “spitting out” a variety of gigantic monsters at an increasing rate, which then stride out of the ocean and begin destroying sea-bordering cities, like Tokyo and Los Angeles. In order to combat these monstrous, otherworldly menaces, the military developed the “Jaeger” program, which trains teams of two pilots to jointly operate massive, building-sized mechanized suits of armor and high-tech weaponry.

Yes, you read that correctly folks, a portal to another dimension opens beneath the Pacific and spits out GIANT MONSTERS! To protect ourselves, humanity builds GIANT ROBOTS (mecha to be more precise) to combat these invading kaiju! This is kind of a shocker as giant mech/robot films (and TV shows) are almost primarily an export of Japan. Actually, the only real shock about this is that American film companies haven't jumped on an idea like this before; the only real mecha-moments we've had in our movies hail from the films of James Cameron (e.g. Aliens, Avatar) and the Wachowski brothers (e.g. "Matrix Revolutions").

Once again, "Pacific Rim" begins production later this year (shooting starts in September/November) and for some reasons will be held up until NEXT Summer. I'll be posting more news on this as it happens. In the meantime, enjoy the opening of "Evangelion: Neon Genesis," one of the most well known mecha vs. monster anime shows of all time:

Youtube-a-palooza: Singing Russians, Leslie Vernon's Return, Troll Hunter Strikes Back, & Troma Taunts us with Toxie!

It's been a long couple of days b-movie fans; my apologies for not making any new posts (or adding new content). Saturday was a marathon of parties, starting with a birthday party for my (now) four year old niece Lily, where I was taken down by a vicious pack of children, as a pride of lions would bring down a caribou. Following a short visit to my buddy Adam's graduation party, I ended my Saturday at an engagement party (Congrats to Josh and Lorraine!) where I got SLOSHED.

In any case, it has been back to the ole grindstone for yours truly since that busy weekend, but tonight I've managed to reserve a bit of energy in order to bring you a dose of awesome. Here are some cool videos that are bouncing around Youtube at the moment that will most assuredly bring a smile to your face.

First up, how about a little music to brighten our spirits? Ever hear of that catchy song "Istanbul (not Constantinople)?" Well here's a new version of it as sung by THE BAD ASS RUSSIAN:



Wait... did I see a "Baseball Fury" from "The Warriors" sitting at the bar? I did! I did!

Next up is a video featuring actor Nathan Baesel (in character as Leslie Vernon) asking fans to help him raise funds for the prequel/sequel/remake of "Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon" (one of my favorite genre films). If you've failed to see it, definitely check it out. It does a wonderful job at deconstructing slasher films, then uses those same cliches to create a completely satisfying slasher movie climax! Here's hoping this new film comes to pass; check out the video below then CLICK HERE to donate to this worthy cause:



This next video is a fun little parody created by the special effects guru behind the creatures in Norway's awesome mockumentary TROLL HUNTER. This "explains" why one of the creatures in the film has only one arm and it is just so monumentally awesome. Check it out; then get your paws on a copy of TROLL HUNTER and watch it!



Finally, here's something that truly blew my mind tonight. I discovered the first ever teaser trailer for Troma's upcoming TOXIC AVENGER 5: THE TOXIC TWINS. While I was immediately jumping for joy, I was saddened to learn that they haven't even written the damn movie yet. Still, its a nice way to let us fans know that it is eventually going to happen, and... HEY! They used Toxie's original voice from the first movie! COOL!



Hope you enjoyed all of those videos folks. Stay tuned for more posts (and hopefully new reviews and whatnot at the Vault) and... oh wait, I have one more thing to say....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO UWE BOLL!

100% funded by Nazi Gold.

Vault Master's TOP TEN KILLER ANIMAL FILMS: #10 - Prophecy (1979)

Prophecy (1979)
a.k.a. Prophecy: The Monster Movie
102 minutes / Color / Rated R

The Culprit(s): Mutated Wildlife; most notably "Katadin," a fig-bucking mutant grizzly bear with a foul temper.

The Plot: Dr. Robert Verne (Robert Foxworth) is an inner-city doctor who is investigating claims that a logging company is polluting the environment, somewhere up in Maine. His continued testing and research eventually reveals that the loggers are using methyl-mercury, a harmful substance (and mutagen!) that can result in severe medical problems, deformed babies, giant tadpoles, enormous trout, killer raccoons, and giant mutant grizzly bears! Once he obtains proof (in the form of two sickly mutant bear cubs), Dr. Verne, his wife (Talia Shire!), and their Native American allies (Armand Assante and Victoria Racimo!) prepare to blow the lid off the logging firm's dirty secret. But a monkey-wrench is thrown into the works by the cubs' vengeful mother, Katadin, and soon, Doc Verne and company find themselves in a desperate fight for survival against a deadly freak of nature.

Why it made the list: I'm sure many of you are surprised that this eco-thriller made it to my list, and I can't blame you. Director John Frankenheimer took a very serious approach with this film, and that resulted in some extensively boring scenes and many unintentional laughs. (Frankenheimer most definitely should have made this a tongue-in-cheek affair.) Still, despite the ludicrous plot and lethargic pace, this cautionary tale does provide us with some much needed mutant bear-on-man action. The real show-stopper here, is the "exploding sleeping bag scene." It is easily the best kill in the film and is, in my opinion, one of the greatest deaths ever captured on celluloid!

What's that? You say you're not familiar with this historic cinematic moment? Then check it out for yourself below!



Why YOU should watch it: Because it has a mutant f*cking bear as well as the aforementioned "exploding sleeping bag" scene. Sure there are other highlights (e.g. Talia Shire getting mauled by a slimy mutant puppet; an Armand Assante stunt-double doing a cannonball through a window; an insane raccoon that gets tossed into a fireplace), but nothing will ever top that sleeping bag scene. Never.

Is it worthy of a remake? Hell yes! If someone like James "Slither" Gunn got his paws (no pun intended) on the rights to this film and wanted to redo it, he would have my blessing. I really think it could work if the film makers (and script writers) had a sense of humor about the proceedings. My only stipulation for the (highly unlikely, but not impossible) remake of "Prophecy," is that they keep the sleeping bag scene, but this time around, make sure there's some gore to go with the explosion of feathers!

Stay tuned for number nine on my "Top Ten Killer Animal Film" list, which ended up as a tie between two "nature strikes back" flicks from the 70's!

The "Godmonster of Indian Flats" gets hogtied at the Vault!

Three months ago, readers and visitors alike chose "Godmonster of Indian Flats" in the second Torture the Vault Master poll. For those of you who picked this cinematic atrocity I hereby curse you! While it wasn't the worst thing I've ever witnessed, it was pretty damn bad and I definitely suffered through it. But was it bad enough? Hell no! I can take worse abuse, and you'll get your chance to dish out more in the third "Torture the Vault Master Poll." (Which may become a quarterly tradition if it gains in popularity.)

Here is the trailer for this awful cinematic atrocity:

Expect my old (and updated) review for "Army of Darkness" to pop up on the site tomorrow night, along with a new edition of the BMFV's weekly Genre Watch!

And just so you know: "My Name is Bruce" and "Chocolate" hit DVD and Blu-ray tomorrow! Woohoo!

UPDATE: "Army of Darkness" and this week's Genre Watch have been delayed by my intense urge to watch a Friday the 13th movie. Expect that stuff to pop up on the site very soon!

Obscure kaiju stars in American commercial + Future Vault updates.

Out of all the Japanese movie monsters, how is it that Guilala ("The X From Outer Space") gets a starring role in an American commercial? I guess his agent wanted a lot less than Godzilla's. Check out this cute, kaiju-filled commercial for TheLadders.com:



In regards to upcoming updates at The Vault:
I haven't had time to dig into my review for "Godmonster of Indian Flats" (blame my girlfriend and her Season One boxed set of "24"), but I should be able to start chipping away at it tomorrow night. Look for that on (hopefully) Monday, along with another edition of Genre Watch!

If I am not too exhausted after all of that, I may even toss up a refurbished old review of "Army of Darkness," OR finally finish up that long-ago mentioned "WANTED ON DVD" page. It will all come down to how much energy I have at the end of the day.

Oh and for those of you who give a damn, I am now on Facebook! And no, I do not, and never will have a MySpace. I swear to the Gods of b-moviedom on that!

G'night b-movie fans; I'll blog ya later!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

WOOHOO! All Hallow's Eve is upon us; I'm about to head out to Kutztown to pick up my best friend and then we're headed to a Halloween party later this evening. I hope you all have a fun, happy, and safe Halloween. But before you go out and have a good time, be sure to watch the following commercial from my sponsors as Silver Shamrock Masks Inc. And be sure to wear your official skeleton, witch, or pumpkin mask while you watch this commercial for an EXTRA special surprise.



And here is an apparently horror film that we may never ever see on the big screen (what's the big deal Warner Bros?!). Enjoy the trailer for "Trick R' Treat!"



I have some stuff in the works for the Vault and should have some of it up tomorrow night. I was hoping to get it all posted for Halloween but my time was spent on other projects (Guitar Hero World Tour cough cough). So have a great night all you vamps and ghouls and I'll see you back at the Vault soon!

Evil Dead II.... Mentos Commercial

I didn't post anything Halloween-oriented yesterday, so here's the consolation prize: A short Mentos commercial parody made with footage from "Evil Dead II!"



I started cleaning up the house for my eminent (post) Halloween party and my god.... I lived in this filth for the last few weeks? My DVD collection had an inch of dust on it and that is inexcusable! In any case, I should have this place whipped into shape in another day or two, then I've gotta get some junk food and beverages for my guests on Sunday. This task will be a little hard to accomplish as I have Guitar Hero World Tour and the new MST3K boxed set arriving via UPS tomorrow, but I shall persevere and be 100% ready to watch some horror flicks and chow down on some copious amounts of chips, candy, pizza, wings, and whatever else I can get my hands on.

There's only a few more days left until Halloween, so you best be ready b-movie fans! Blog ya later!

The Life and Death of a Pumpkin plus other Halloween-oriented Youtube vids.

From the guys who came up with CHAD VADER comes this very odd and somewhat creepy tale of a pumpkin's sad and short lifespan.



Weird stuff eh? And here's a little clip from National Geographic explaining the origins of our favorite holiday:



Though I am against having Christmas-ish lights for Halloween, I have to admit that this is cool:



Well that's enough stuff for tonight. I need to get some shuteye because..... TOMORROW NIGHT IS MONDO MOVIE NIGHT AND THEY'RE SHOWING "DEEP RED" ON THE BIG SCREEN! WOOOOOHOOOOO! And yes, I will be writing up an article about that at the Vault... just in case you were wondering. Interested in going to the show? Tickets are $6.00; showtime is at 10 PM on Saturday, October 25th at the Endless Mountains Theatre, located on the Scranton-Carbondale Highway in Scranton, PA! Hope to see you there! Blog ya later b-movie fans!

Halloween Horror Mega Mix!

The Halloween hijinks continue with this very cool Halloween MegaMix I found on Youtube. Many of the classics are represented here, and the editing is pretty damn good. It's seven minutes long, but kept my interest throughout, so those of you with ADD should be able to sit through it. ;-)



Only a week left until Halloween! I just ordered my costume (a bit pricy... but that's because I had the shipping expedited so I would get it in time) and hope that the damn thing fits. I can't wait to put it on and shock my friends (and coworkers). What exactly is my costume? Well... unfortunately I cannot say (some of my friends actually do swing by here apparently) but here is a hint:



Yeah... that's pretty much a dead giveaway but I still won't SAY what the actual costume is. ;-)